SaintJamesInfirmary

We've Moved!

2011-08-08T13:15:00.002-09:00

Arthurs of Ophelia has officially launched!

Please feel free to visit the new website at anytime--in fact, we implore you to! www.ArthursofOphelia.com

Alternatively, you can find us on our social media sites as well. All the cool kids have.
You want to be cool, don't you? DON'T YOU?!?!

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Cheers,
James

Post Script: PLEASE be advised that our website is NOT Internet Explorer friendly! Please update your web browser to the 21st century! You'll thank us, trust me!

What if...

2011-05-11T16:17:00.000-09:00

What if god had a daughter...instead?

Work in progress

2011-05-11T15:55:00.000-09:00

The maelstrom of panic swirls through her head.

Memory

2011-05-11T15:54:00.000-09:00

Memory is the most joyful and destructive element of what we call the human experience.

Arrogance

2011-05-11T15:48:00.000-09:00

Never let your arrogance fool you into believing your words and thoughts are right or relevant.

Caution

2011-05-11T15:47:00.000-09:00

If you're the type who enjoys the sound of your own voice, caution yourself from being the only one in the room who speaks.

Humour

2011-05-09T18:32:00.001-09:00

No 1s or 0s were harmed in the making of this sentence.

...

2011-05-09T03:51:00.001-09:00

May 7/8. An unimaginably (beautiful) decadent experience.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T18:55:00.001-09:00

Happy arbitrary day to female mammals who produce appreciative and viable offspring day, gentlemen. Happy arbitrary day to female mammals who produce appreciative and viable offspring day.

...

2011-05-04T18:03:00.001-09:00

May 4. Arthurs of Ophelia Productions (Inc.) 'officially' begins.

Redux

2011-05-03T14:12:00.001-09:00

Her need to illustrate her importance is so invariably large...that were you to ask her something like 'how old were you when you first learned to tie your shoes?'

She'd stare right at you and answer with some such nonsense about having learned to tie her shoes (getting her dexterous and gifted start...in all shoe related matters) while simultaneously undergoing the rigorous ordeal of developing as a fetus.

Thinking

2011-04-29T14:30:00.000-09:00

The ability to think straight is often thwarted by the necessity of having to socialize with dimwits.

The Weakling

2011-04-29T12:59:00.001-09:00

He has a weak leg--immeasurably so. And so he hunches over each time he walks. Not because of any pain, but out fear that were his leg to give way he's that much closer to the ground.

MMX Revisted

2011-04-29T09:17:00.001-09:00

What is felt now, looking back, thinking back...is the unfortunate belief that I have become inexplicably capable of being inauspiciously enthralled by the most obstinate, asinine, and silliest of women.

Moment

2011-04-29T04:41:00.001-09:00

The compliment immediately caused me to self reflect rather confidently project any reasonable reason for my standing there.

Redux

2011-04-28T18:52:00.001-09:00

The chilly wind grabbed my lapel and blew it tight against my coat; my scarf, luckless and having had enough of my shoulders...took flight, off and went.

Some hero I'd make.

The Draining Types

2011-04-28T18:32:00.001-09:00

Her need to illustrate her importance is so invariably large...that were you to ask her something as mundane as, hmm, let's say, 'how old were you when you first learned to tie your shoes?'

She'd stare right at you at and answer with some such nonsense about getting her dexterous and gifted start (in all shoe related matters) while simultaneously undergoing the rigorous ordeal of fetus development.

...

2011-04-28T18:29:00.001-09:00

April 28. 'I find you very interesting, James. Very. I am extremely intrigued by you. This might not be the best thing, though. Tell me more about yourself.' (Potential employer/interview #23).

Sensitivities

2011-04-28T06:25:00.001-09:00

She took everything too personally...to such a bewildering degree. I mean a farmer's wife, sickened by the flu, could sneeze, a mile or two away; a farm or two to the north. And she'd still assume it was her new perfume (or some such nonsense) wafting over the fields reeking havoc on her neighbor's senses.

The Universe

2011-04-27T09:39:00.001-09:00

Scalloped potatoes are the universe's way of saying, "You know what guys, you're right, life does suck sometimes, but you know what? Try these. Mmmm right? RIGHT? Yeah, that's right! Gobble them up, my little minions, gobble them up."

*Yep, that's what the universe sounds like. Exactly what she sounds like.*

Writing's Seduction

2011-04-26T19:05:00.001-09:00

A simple wish really...to give this sentence the charm to convince the next sentence to get a little handsy with it.

'Nope, not a chance, I say...' is all it fears it'll will hear, though. 'Nope, not a chance.'

MMX Redux

2011-04-26T18:50:00.001-09:00

The brunette instilled confusion, the older of the two...wisdom. The blond? Soul. It was a year of superfluous gifts--not one of which was a calm and rational friend.

What...

2011-04-26T18:45:00.001-09:00

The saddest sound of all is pity.

Rewards

2011-04-26T07:51:00.002-09:00

(X): 'Who the hell died and made you king?! Huh?'

(Y): 'Ummm, my grandmother?!? I used to change her diapers. That and the day before she died, I found her nude and on her bed (having lost all virtue of prudence, privacy, and discretion) spread eagled, and cleaning her whoo whoo!'

(Z): 'Yep, that sounds about right. All hail the new King! All. Hail. The. New. King!'

Hero

2011-04-26T07:21:00.002-09:00

The chilly wind blew the lapel tight against my coat; my scarf, luckless and having had enough of my shoulders, took flight...off and went.

Some hero I'd make.

Ideas

2011-04-26T07:17:00.001-09:00

One is easily dismantled. If, for example, a man wraps himself in an idea that at first squeals in delight, welcomes and dances...then retreats and recoils...

...accepts and rejects, approves and renounces, spits at and applauds...

...only to recoil again.

Redux

2011-04-25T16:18:00.001-09:00

Fear will convince you to scream 'FIRE!' Wisdom will nudge you to call out 'SMOKE!'

Mother's Day

2011-04-25T15:55:00.000-09:00

Now that all is said and done: There was 1 massive heart attack, an open heart surgery, and a near-fatal sternum infection. There was Propofol and Fentanyl and 6 days on a ventilator. There were 3 different hospitals, 2 ICUs, 6 calls to 911, 7 ambulance rides, a stint in rehab, and 3 near-death experiences.

There were 64 dutiful-son hospital visits, 2 cardiologists, 3 heart surgeons, 5 doctors, 36 nurses, 5 social workers, and 9 kind orderlies. There were 5 forty-hour days.

There was a cancer scare and a cluster cycle, and 2 rounds of steroids. There were X-rays and blood tests, wills and pills. There was English and French, 2 different cities, 3 different homes, and 6 different beds.

In the last year, 'I've seen so much, in so many places, so much heart ache, in so many faces...so many dirty things...you couldn't even believe...' but I am proud to say that my mother is out of the infirmary, alive and now well, and I have finally become...I have finally become a man.

Lady Luck

2011-04-24T20:15:00.002-09:00

Should it be discovered that reincarnation exists, I am certain it will be found that Mussolini was a terribly good friend, that I was responsible for the extermination of a thousand gifted children, perhaps the slaughtering of an entire infant population, or maybe I was a vegetarian.

Opposition

2011-04-23T08:42:00.002-09:00

What is especially true for the success of any social group's longevity is the need to find an opposition.

MMX Redux

2011-04-22T19:08:00.001-09:00

Had I the chance, you two, I gladly would have saved your fathers. And you? You, I gladly would have saved your mother. But you, well, let's just say...I wish I could have muted both your parents.

MMX

2011-04-22T18:59:00.001-09:00

The brunette instilled confusion, the older of the two...wisdom. The blond? Soul. It was a year of superfluous gifts.

...

2011-04-22T18:40:00.001-09:00

March 28. Two weeks, one business, two positions, three meetings, five managers, two telephone calls, one peculiar coincidence, applauds and accolades.

And yet.

A e i o u...

2011-04-22T17:12:00.001-09:00

A man's detriment is a woman's imagination.

Shadows

2011-04-22T05:32:00.002-09:00

It is often rarely considered... just how 'clingy' our shadows truly are.

Conservative V. Liberal

2011-04-22T05:31:00.002-09:00

The Conservative tells us what we cannot do. The Liberal tells us what we can.

Dung

2011-04-21T05:47:00.001-09:00

(X): 'You know, I would like nothing more than to introduce that man's face to a steamy pile of manure...'

(Y): 'You're so poignant.'

(Z): 'Cow, dog, or elephant? Wait, I'll surprise you. Hold on.'

Perspectives

2011-04-21T05:21:00.002-09:00

I watched the moment strike me from the point it was tossed. As if from behind a child when seeking the attention of his father will throw an object at his head.

Redux

2011-04-20T16:54:00.001-09:00

It is befuddling to learn just how vocal, inspired, and propelled our emotions can when they first set out to prove they exist.

Redux

2011-04-20T08:24:00.001-09:00

The revolt began with a whisper in a crowded room
on a morning meant more for 'choo-che-choos' and 'la de dahs' than a boy's coming of age.

Time V. Experience

2011-04-20T08:22:00.002-09:00

Time will bend your heart. Experience will bend your mind.

The Big 'C.'

2011-04-20T08:18:00.001-09:00

The number one cause of cancer is procreation.

Turtles

2011-04-19T18:59:00.003-09:00

(X): 'So (rubs his hands) what do you guys wanna do?'

(Y): 'I don't know. Maybe throw some turtles at the elderly and disabled?!?!'

(Z): 'Score! Let me get Whiskers!'

...

2011-04-19T18:52:00.001-09:00

April 19. Productive. Reclusive and unsocial.

Wounded Dancers

2011-04-19T18:47:00.002-09:00

(X): 'A good-hearted, employed, and sober fella, huh? Ha!'

(Y): 'He sounds just like her father.'

(Z): 'Ba dump bump.'

WARNING

2011-04-19T18:42:00.001-09:00

Warning: this sentence contains subtle wit and ferocious hilarity. Oh, and a non sequitur; because red wagons are fun.

Sigh

2011-04-19T14:48:00.001-09:00

The man is impenetrable to any thought other than his own.

Pedestrian

2011-04-19T08:45:00.002-09:00

I find any variation of the criticism 'that's pedestrian' to be rather pedestrian.

Emotions

2011-04-18T18:23:00.001-09:00

It is befuddling to learn just how vocal emotions can be when they first set out to prove they exist.

Of Them All...

2011-04-18T09:16:00.002-09:00

Of all the great caring men in this world...I seem to be the least among them.

The Ballet

2011-04-17T18:45:00.003-09:00

There is little wisdom to be found (and equally little to be gained) in watching a grown man weep.

There is little wisdom to be found (and equally little to be gained) stumbling upon a grown man weeping.

Literature V. Mathematics

2011-04-17T18:26:00.001-09:00

Though mathematics relies on numbers, it is still governed by words.

Under The Bridge

2011-04-17T18:23:00.002-09:00

The troll is an often misunderstood character...who is perhaps more disappointed in his lack of height than we are in our lack of confidence when confronted by him.

Human Judgement

2011-04-15T07:44:00.002-09:00

All Human Judgement ought to be muted then placed in our dreams...in those wildly pitched moments where we find ourselves engage in self dialogue--when chased (let's say) by a platoon of dust bunnies rising readily on the colour blue...set in regions yet to be discovered, on nights governed by refrigerators.

If for no other reason then to imprint the absurdity of the criticism more fully into our conscious mind.

...

2011-04-13T14:11:00.001-09:00

April 13.

1163 days
27,912 hours
1,674,720 minutes
100,483,200 seconds
166 weeks (rounded down)

Re-do Redux

2011-04-12T07:34:00.002-09:00

Our progression as a species, our evolution, has provided (many of) us with a multitude of superfluous gifts.

Political rhetoric, vanity, gossip, idealism...

Redux

2011-04-11T18:32:00.003-09:00

Our progression as a species, our evolution, has provided (many of) us with a multitude of superfluous gifts.

The most popular, it seems, is our ability to socially humiliate our fellow man.

Evolution

2011-04-11T16:57:00.001-09:00

The greatest benefit to evolution is social condemnation.

Redux

2011-04-11T16:45:00.001-09:00

Shamefully, focusing on a common enemy, rather than a purpose, is the most fashionable way to unify one's...goddamn fuckin' vegetarians...

Fighters

2011-04-11T16:34:00.001-09:00

Shamefully, finding a common enemy, rather than a purpose, is the most efficient way to unify any social group...

Ambition

2011-04-11T16:06:00.002-09:00

The most challenging place for an ambitious man to stand is in limbo.

The most challenging place for an ambitious man is limbo.

Masks and Capes

2011-04-11T14:47:00.001-09:00

That the merits of the day have made a life of crime this appealing...

Naturally

2011-04-11T14:26:00.001-09:00

Her Arrogance, naturally frustrated by its usual business of exile, strolled around the courtyard rather cheerily this mornin'.

I was undoubtedly blessed.

...

2011-04-11T14:20:00.001-09:00

April 11. How does one not only effectively engage in, but seek out as well, everyday small talk?

Memories

2011-04-11T14:17:00.002-09:00

It was a beautiful memory...enough to take a nap to.

Two Types

2011-04-08T08:55:00.002-09:00

There are (at least) two types in this world...two grandiose types who continually annihilate any chance we have at understanding our purpose as a species.

The first is the religious fanatic; the second is the vegetarian.

Redux

2011-04-08T08:43:00.001-09:00

That men enjoy war as a distraction to our attempts at understanding women...is far too great a probable fact.

Nom nom nom...

2011-04-07T09:31:00.002-09:00

Huh. So this is what a baby dolphin tastes like. Hmm.

Value

2011-04-06T17:14:00.000-09:00

Less is more. More or less.

Energy

2011-04-04T17:45:00.001-09:00

I registered a terrifying behavior recently and further sustained it with great volume.

The Sa

2011-04-04T17:23:00.002-09:00

There are many noble creatures in this world. To clarify, if by 'noble' one understands it to mean 'unnecessary.'

A Conversation

2011-04-01T20:04:00.001-09:00

"Petulance, Petulance, what do you strive for?"

Petulance says "nothing at all."

My Penniless Case

2011-04-01T19:20:00.001-09:00

I had felt something squirm in the corner of my wallet. When I went to investigate, a small creature, no bigger than a locket, jiggled and wiggled from out behind the pocket; it then huffed and puffed, and earnestly screamed 'Indigence! Indigence! You're living the dream!'

Then with a wave of its hand and the rolling of its eyes, it motioned it was done and jumped back from where it had come.

Functionality

2011-04-01T17:01:00.001-09:00

I am opposed to any activity that does not carry (as its central mandate) the ambition to be functional.

...

2011-04-01T12:03:00.002-09:00

April 1. We are an insidious, self-serving, revolting, and loathsome species.

Dismissive Cleopatra

2011-03-31T20:05:00.002-09:00

The Empress of her Kingdom decided to pick and choose which of his words suited her best. And he, the loury slave to her intent...(CENSORED BY HER MAJESTY).

2011-03-31T17:56:00.001-09:00

She grabbed and squished the tail of my soul. And sliced off all she could chew.

2011-03-31T17:49:00.001-09:00

Confusion is a plentiful and renewable resource...

2011-03-30T19:41:00.001-09:00

Her face slumped. His did not.

Telos

2011-03-30T15:27:00.003-09:00

Sociologically, psychologically, evolutionarily, what if a belief in god (whether he/she is fiction or not) serves a purpose? And what if this purpose is not unlike human's innate want for sex? Our far too over zealous want for sex is what propagates the species, yes? So what if a belief in a higher power helps keep the species alive as well? What if its goal is to give us hope? What if this 'hope' is an evolutionary trait?

...

2011-03-30T15:05:00.004-09:00

March 30. Clearer thoughts have run through my mind. Like a buffalo in the land of birds. Today's outcome will again be forgotten.

Tragedy Comedy
19 14

Blue Milk Crates

2011-03-29T12:32:00.001-09:00

I peaked over the fence to catch a glimpse of the good life...when the crate I had been standing on fussed and tipped under my toes.

Hookerdom

2011-03-29T06:13:00.001-09:00

Rejection is as old as prostitution. In fact, I do believe, it's what inspired whoredom in the first place.

The Straw and the Camel's Back

2011-03-29T05:46:00.001-09:00

The moment perched herself on the back of the camel, pulled the 'last' straw from out of her knapsack and crippled that cud-chewing mammal 'til it could stand no more...

O and P

2011-03-28T17:32:00.002-09:00

My Optimism and Pessimism share a house.

O occupies the room just down the hall; and P rents the room just passed your shoulder. They share the common areas (the kitchen, library, living room, etc.). But mostly they keep to themselves.

O is a genuine and happy sort, but often absent minded. P is neat and particular--some would say overly so.

Yesterday, O left the mustard out, forgot to do the dishes, and even left the fridge wide opened. He trotted off to bed without thinking twice about it.

P, in retaliation, covered the toilet in cling wrap.

Oh the hijinks these two get into.

The Audience

2011-03-28T16:49:00.001-09:00

Never write for an audience. They're insidious, self-serving halfwits hell bent on disappointing you.

(X) V. (Y)

2011-03-28T16:13:00.001-09:00

Essential to existence (to all life) is mitosis; that is to say, division. And from the stand point of human cognition...once division occurs definitions are essential; the original cell is A, the new cell is B, so on and so forth.

On a molecular level...for the greater good...cells work in harmony with each other. Cell A functions in a particular way that Cell B does not or perhaps Cell A functions in a certain way simply because of Cell B. Either way, Cell A does not boast how much greater it is to Cell B. And Cell B hardly has the time to boast how much greater it is Cell A.

Perhaps this is because cells (in and of themselves) are not conscious of their division or their definitions. Functionality (it seems) does not require consciousness.

Detrimentally, however, human socialization is guided by consciousness more so than functionality. And so it is...that when we divide, let’s say, Human A from Human B... the harmony of ‘division’ is thwarted.

Consciousness, funnily enough, adds a third element to the equation. In addition to: 1.) division and 2.) defining, consciousness includes 3.) opposition. Group B is not just a division from/of Group A. Instead, Group A (from A's perspective) is far greater than Group B. And strangely enough (it is boasted) Group B (it believes) is far superior than Group A.

Human Vegatarians

2011-03-28T15:45:00.001-09:00

I wonder if the brontosaurus ever mocked, criticized, or snickered at the T-Rex for being a meat eater...?

Thankfully, the benefit of evolution is social condemnation.

Maternal

2011-03-28T14:04:00.001-09:00

His now disfigured mother, at 17, made a 'talented' living as a go-go dancer while in Montreal.

In 1945 (at the age of 22), his grandmother, terrified and sobbing, was raped by a platoon of Russian soldiers en route to their 'liberation' of Berlin.

His grandfather was an airplane repairman for the Third Reich, a Jewish sympathizer who abused his wife. He had a weak chin (if at all) and bedded every floozy this side of Frankfurt.

Before he was twenty, one uncle spent over a year in an iron lung paralyzed by polio. And the other, 40 years later, drunkenly fell down the stairs of his dilapidated home and landed so awkwardly against the wall that he asphyxiated himself.

Sigh

2011-03-28T09:47:00.001-09:00

(X): 'Is there anything more comedic than a 'curious' wife blaming her pregnancy on divine intervention?'

(Y): 'Sure, being the husband who believes her.'

(Z): 'Ba dump bump.'

The Nervous Control Freak

2011-03-28T08:51:00.001-09:00

Why he was here surprised no one. Why he refused to leave...that perplexed us all.

My First Night at the Americana Motel

2011-03-28T08:47:00.001-09:00

The Americana Motel was like ten feet away. My passenger, having puked already (a couple of roads back), was well on her way to doing it again. We needed a stop. And we needed it now.

Once I Had a Little Game

2011-03-28T08:38:00.001-09:00

I have played Conversational Chess for a number of years now. It's an exercise in tact and courtesy, altruism and diplomacy; but mostly it's a performance in keeping the monster in me miles away from the fool in you.

Advanced but Primitive

2011-03-28T07:41:00.001-09:00

She reminds me of a mentally swift and easy-going neighborhood dog...who miraculously knows how to talk. Yet spends the entirety of the night 'humping' your leg...without ever breathing a word.

The Reason

2011-03-28T06:10:00.001-09:00

God isn't dead, silly. She's crippled. Or grounded. Lying in a ditch some where. Or maybe she's being molested by that creepy uncle of hers...

Either way, the universe's (ultimate) Fancy Pants is busy. and has no time for you. So get over it.

Déjà vu

2011-03-27T16:43:00.001-09:00

Déjà vu is your mind recalling the elements of a dream; the atmosphere of that experience.

The ethereal quality of the dream, the lack of specificity in the memory, and our immutable desire to be far greater than what we are...forces us to view this moment as a spiritual awakening. Shamefully so.

'Dramatic'

2011-03-26T23:44:00.001-09:00

What profit do you gain from uttering that word? I suppose one could argue that it is just a word and therefore no harm had been committed. But here were are, yet again, and here we shall remain, yet again...questioning just what it is that inspires you to open your foolishly snippy and abhorrently simple, incontinent and caddish mouth.

The Day I Met Ophelia

2011-03-26T23:41:00.001-09:00

I had scarcely begun remembering her name when she started in telling her story.

Salute

2011-03-25T22:00:00.001-09:00

Good luck to the man who knows how to play to your weaknesses. I mean you do, right? Over and over again, obsessively so and without remorse.

Fear V. Wisdom

2011-03-25T11:18:00.001-09:00

Fear sees fire. Wisdom sees smoke.