We've Moved!

Arthurs of Ophelia has officially launched!

Please feel free to visit the new website at anytime--in fact, we implore you to! www.ArthursofOphelia.com

Alternatively, you can find us on our social media sites as well. All the cool kids have.
You want to be cool, don't you? DON'T YOU?!?! 

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Cheers,
James

Post Script: PLEASE be advised that our website is NOT Internet Explorer friendly! Please update your web browser to the 21st century! You'll thank us, trust me!

What if...

What if god had a daughter...instead?

Work in progress

The maelstrom of panic swirls through her head.

Memory

Memory is the most joyful and destructive element of what we call the human experience.

Arrogance

Never let your arrogance fool you into believing your words and thoughts are right or relevant.

Caution

If you're the type who enjoys the sound of your own voice, caution yourself from being the only one in the room who speaks.

Humour

No 1s or 0s were harmed in the making of this sentence.

...

May 7/8. An unimaginably (beautiful) decadent experience.

Mother's Day

Happy arbitrary day to female mammals who produce appreciative and viable offspring day, gentlemen. Happy arbitrary day to female mammals who produce appreciative and viable offspring day.

...

May 4. Arthurs of Ophelia Productions (Inc.) 'officially' begins.

Redux

Her need to illustrate her importance is so invariably large...that were you to ask her something like 'how old were you when you first learned to tie your shoes?'

She'd stare right at you and answer with some such nonsense about having learned to tie her shoes (getting her dexterous and gifted start...in all shoe related matters) while simultaneously undergoing the rigorous ordeal of developing as a fetus.

Thinking

 The ability to think straight is often thwarted by the necessity of having to socialize with dimwits.

The Weakling

He has a weak leg--immeasurably so. And so he hunches over each time he walks. Not because of any pain, but out fear that were his leg to give way he's that much closer to the ground.

MMX Revisted

What is felt now, looking back, thinking back...is the unfortunate belief that I have become inexplicably capable of being inauspiciously enthralled by the most obstinate, asinine, and silliest of women.

Moment

The compliment immediately caused me to self reflect rather confidently project any reasonable reason for my standing there.

Redux

The chilly wind grabbed my lapel and blew it tight against my coat; my scarf, luckless and having had enough of my shoulders...took flight, off and went.

Some hero I'd make.

The Draining Types

Her need to illustrate her importance is so invariably large...that were you to ask her something as mundane as, hmm, let's say, 'how old were you when you first learned to tie your shoes?'

She'd stare right at you at and answer with some such nonsense about getting her dexterous and gifted start (in all shoe related matters) while simultaneously undergoing the rigorous ordeal of fetus development.

...

April 28. 'I find you very interesting, James. Very. I am extremely intrigued by you. This might not be the best thing, though. Tell me more about yourself.' (Potential employer/interview #23).

Sensitivities

She took everything too personally...to such a bewildering degree. I mean a farmer's wife, sickened by the flu, could sneeze, a mile or two away; a farm or two to the north. And she'd still assume it was her new perfume (or some such nonsense) wafting over the fields reeking havoc on her neighbor's senses.

The Universe

 Scalloped potatoes are the universe's way of saying, "You know what guys, you're right, life does suck sometimes, but you know what? Try these. Mmmm right? RIGHT? Yeah, that's right! Gobble them up, my little minions, gobble them up."

*Yep, that's what the universe sounds like. Exactly what she sounds like.*

Writing's Seduction

A simple wish really...to give this sentence the charm to convince the next sentence to get a little handsy with it.

'Nope, not a chance, I say...' is all it fears it'll will hear, though. 'Nope, not a chance.'

MMX Redux

The brunette instilled confusion, the older of the two...wisdom. The blond? Soul. It was a year of superfluous gifts--not one of which was a calm and rational friend.

What...

The saddest sound of all is pity.

Rewards

(X): 'Who the hell died and made you king?! Huh?'

(Y): 'Ummm, my grandmother?!? I used to change her diapers. That and the day before she died, I found her nude and on her bed (having lost all virtue of prudence, privacy, and discretion) spread eagled, and cleaning her whoo whoo!'

(Z): 'Yep, that sounds about right. All hail the new King! All. Hail. The. New. King!'

Hero

The chilly wind blew the lapel tight against my coat; my scarf, luckless and having had enough of my shoulders, took flight...off and went.

Some hero I'd make.

Ideas

One is easily dismantled. If, for example, a man wraps himself in an idea that at first squeals in delight, welcomes and dances...then retreats and recoils...

...accepts and rejects, approves and renounces, spits at and applauds...

...only to recoil again.

Redux

Fear will convince you to scream 'FIRE!' Wisdom will nudge you to call out 'SMOKE!'

Mother's Day

Now that all is said and done: There was 1 massive heart attack, an open heart surgery, and a near-fatal sternum infection. There was Propofol and Fentanyl and 6 days on a ventilator. There were 3 different hospitals, 2 ICUs, 6 calls to 911, 7 ambulance rides, a stint in rehab, and 3 near-death experiences.

There were 64 dutiful-son hospital visits, 2 cardiologists, 3 heart surgeons, 5 doctors, 36 nurses, 5 social workers, and 9 kind orderlies. There were 5 forty-hour days.

There was a cancer scare and a cluster cycle, and 2 rounds of steroids. There were X-rays and blood tests, wills and pills. There was English and French, 2 different cities, 3 different homes, and 6 different beds.

In the last year, 'I've seen so much, in so many places, so much heart ache, in so many faces...so many dirty things...you couldn't even believe...' but I am proud to say that my mother is out of the infirmary, alive and now well, and I have finally become...I have finally become a man.

Lady Luck

Should it be discovered that reincarnation exists, I am certain it will be found that Mussolini was a terribly good friend, that I was responsible for the extermination of a thousand gifted children, perhaps the slaughtering of an entire infant population, or maybe I was a vegetarian.

Opposition

What is especially true for the success of any social group's longevity is the need to find an opposition.

MMX Redux

Had I the chance, you two, I gladly would have saved your fathers. And you? You, I gladly would have saved your mother. But you, well, let's just say...I wish I could have muted both your parents.

MMX

The brunette instilled confusion, the older of the two...wisdom. The blond? Soul. It was a year of superfluous gifts.

...

March 28. Two weeks, one business, two positions, three meetings, five managers, two telephone calls, one peculiar coincidence, applauds and accolades.

And yet.

A e i o u...

A man's detriment is a woman's imagination.

Shadows

It is often rarely considered... just how 'clingy' our shadows truly are.

Conservative V. Liberal

The Conservative tells us what we cannot do. The Liberal tells us what we can.

Dung

(X): 'You know, I would like nothing more than to introduce that man's face to a steamy pile of manure...'

(Y): 'You're so poignant.'

(Z): 'Cow, dog, or elephant? Wait, I'll surprise you. Hold on.'

Perspectives

 I watched the moment strike me from the point it was tossed. As if from behind a child when seeking the attention of his father will throw an object at his head.

Redux

It is befuddling to learn just how vocal, inspired, and propelled our emotions can when they first set out to prove they exist.

Redux

The revolt began with a whisper in a crowded room
on a morning meant more for 'choo-che-choos' and 'la de dahs' than a boy's coming of age.

Time V. Experience

Time will bend your heart. Experience will bend your mind.

The Big 'C.'

The number one cause of cancer is procreation.

Turtles

(X): 'So (rubs his hands) what do you guys wanna do?'

(Y): 'I don't know. Maybe throw some turtles at the elderly and disabled?!?!'

(Z): 'Score! Let me get Whiskers!'

...

April 19. Productive. Reclusive and unsocial.

Wounded Dancers

(X): 'A good-hearted, employed, and sober fella, huh? Ha!'

(Y): 'He sounds just like her father.'

(Z): 'Ba dump bump.'

WARNING

Warning: this sentence contains subtle wit and ferocious hilarity. Oh, and a non sequitur; because red wagons are fun.

Sigh

The man is impenetrable to any thought other than his own.

Pedestrian

 I find any variation of the criticism 'that's pedestrian' to be rather pedestrian.

Emotions

It is befuddling to learn just how vocal emotions can be when they first set out to prove they exist.

Of Them All...

Of all the great caring men in this world...I seem to be the least among them.

The Ballet

There is little wisdom to be found (and equally little to be gained) in watching a grown man weep.

There is little wisdom to be found (and equally little to be gained) stumbling upon a grown man weeping.

Literature V. Mathematics

Though mathematics relies on numbers, it is still governed by words.

Under The Bridge

The troll is an often misunderstood character...who is perhaps more disappointed in his lack of height than we are in our lack of confidence when confronted by him.

Human Judgement

All Human Judgement ought to be muted then placed in our dreams...in those wildly pitched moments where we find ourselves engage in self dialogue--when chased (let's say) by a platoon of dust bunnies rising readily on the colour blue...set in regions yet to be discovered, on nights governed by refrigerators.

If for no other reason then to imprint the absurdity of the criticism more fully into our conscious mind.

...

April 13.

1163 days
27,912 hours
1,674,720 minutes
100,483,200 seconds
166 weeks (rounded down)

Re-do Redux

Our progression as a species, our evolution, has provided (many of) us with a multitude of superfluous gifts.

Political rhetoric, vanity, gossip, idealism...

Redux

Our progression as a species, our evolution, has provided (many of) us with a multitude of superfluous gifts.

The most popular, it seems, is our ability to socially humiliate our fellow man.

Evolution

The greatest benefit to evolution is social condemnation.

Redux

Shamefully, focusing on a common enemy, rather than a purpose, is the most fashionable way to unify one's...goddamn fuckin' vegetarians...

Fighters

Shamefully, finding a common enemy, rather than a purpose, is the most efficient way to unify any social group...

Ambition

The most challenging place for an ambitious man to stand is in limbo.

The most challenging place for an ambitious man is limbo.

Masks and Capes

That the merits of the day have made a life of crime this appealing...

Naturally

Her Arrogance, naturally frustrated by its usual business of exile, strolled around the courtyard rather cheerily this mornin'.

I was undoubtedly blessed.

...

April 11. How does one not only effectively engage in, but seek out as well, everyday small talk?

Memories

It was a beautiful memory...enough to take a nap to.

Two Types

There are (at least) two types in this world...two grandiose types who continually annihilate any chance we have at understanding our purpose as a species.

The first is the religious fanatic; the second is the vegetarian.

Redux

That men enjoy war as a distraction to our attempts at understanding women...is far too great a probable fact.

Nom nom nom...

Huh. So this is what a baby dolphin tastes like. Hmm.

Value

Less is more. More or less.

Energy

I registered a terrifying behavior recently and further sustained it with great volume.

The Sa

There are many noble creatures in this world. To clarify, if by 'noble' one understands it to mean 'unnecessary.'

A Conversation

"Petulance, Petulance, what do you strive for?"

Petulance says "nothing at all."

My Penniless Case

I had felt something squirm in the corner of my wallet. When I went to investigate, a small creature, no bigger than a locket, jiggled and wiggled from out behind the pocket; it then huffed and puffed, and earnestly screamed 'Indigence! Indigence! You're living the dream!'

Then with a wave of its hand and the rolling of its eyes, it motioned it was done and jumped back from where it had come.

Functionality

I am opposed to any activity that does not carry (as its central mandate) the ambition to be functional.

...

April 1. We are an insidious, self-serving, revolting, and loathsome species.

Dismissive Cleopatra

The Empress of her Kingdom decided to pick and choose which of his words suited her best. And he, the loury slave to her intent...(CENSORED BY HER MAJESTY).

She grabbed and squished the tail of my soul. And sliced off all she could chew.

Confusion is a plentiful and renewable resource...

Her face slumped. His did not.

Telos

Sociologically, psychologically, evolutionarily, what if a belief in god (whether he/she is fiction or not) serves a purpose? And what if this purpose is not unlike human's innate want for sex? Our far too over zealous want for sex is what propagates the species, yes? So what if a belief in a higher power helps keep the species alive as well? What if its goal is to give us hope? What if this 'hope' is an evolutionary trait?

...

March 30. Clearer thoughts have run through my mind. Like a buffalo in the land of birds. Today's outcome will again be forgotten.

Tragedy Comedy
19 14

Blue Milk Crates

I peaked over the fence to catch a glimpse of the good life...when the crate I had been standing on fussed and tipped under my toes.

Hookerdom

Rejection is as old as prostitution. In fact, I do believe, it's what inspired whoredom in the first place.

The Straw and the Camel's Back

The moment perched herself on the back of the camel, pulled the 'last' straw from out of her knapsack and crippled that cud-chewing mammal 'til it could stand no more...

O and P

My Optimism and Pessimism share a house.

O occupies the room just down the hall; and P rents the room just passed your shoulder. They share the common areas (the kitchen, library, living room, etc.). But mostly they keep to themselves.

O is a genuine and happy sort, but often absent minded. P is neat and particular--some would say overly so.

Yesterday, O left the mustard out, forgot to do the dishes, and even left the fridge wide opened. He trotted off to bed without thinking twice about it.

P, in retaliation, covered the toilet in cling wrap.

Oh the hijinks these two get into.

The Audience

Never write for an audience. They're insidious, self-serving halfwits hell bent on disappointing you.

(X) V. (Y)

Essential to existence (to all life) is mitosis; that is to say, division. And from the stand point of human cognition...once division occurs definitions are essential; the original cell is A, the new cell is B, so on and so forth.

On a molecular level...for the greater good...cells work in harmony with each other. Cell A functions in a particular way that Cell B does not or perhaps Cell A functions in a certain way simply because of Cell B. Either way, Cell A does not boast how much greater it is to Cell B. And Cell B hardly has the time to boast how much greater it is Cell A.

Perhaps this is because cells (in and of themselves) are not conscious of their division or their definitions. Functionality (it seems) does not require consciousness.

Detrimentally, however, human socialization is guided by consciousness more so than functionality. And so it is...that when we divide, let’s say, Human A from Human B... the harmony of ‘division’ is thwarted.

Consciousness, funnily enough, adds a third element to the equation. In addition to: 1.) division and 2.) defining, consciousness includes 3.) opposition. Group B is not just a division from/of Group A. Instead, Group A (from A's perspective) is far greater than Group B. And strangely enough (it is boasted) Group B (it believes) is far superior than Group A.

Human Vegatarians

I wonder if the brontosaurus ever mocked, criticized, or snickered at the T-Rex for being a meat eater...?

Thankfully, the benefit of evolution is social condemnation.

Maternal

His now disfigured mother, at 17, made a 'talented' living as a go-go dancer while in Montreal.

In 1945 (at the age of 22), his grandmother, terrified and sobbing, was raped by a platoon of Russian soldiers en route to their 'liberation' of Berlin.

His grandfather was an airplane repairman for the Third Reich, a Jewish sympathizer who abused his wife. He had a weak chin (if at all) and bedded every floozy this side of Frankfurt.

Before he was twenty, one uncle spent over a year in an iron lung paralyzed by polio. And the other, 40 years later, drunkenly fell down the stairs of his dilapidated home and landed so awkwardly against the wall that he asphyxiated himself.

Sigh

(X): 'Is there anything more comedic than a 'curious' wife blaming her pregnancy on divine intervention?'

(Y): 'Sure, being the husband who believes her.'

(Z): 'Ba dump bump.'

The Nervous Control Freak

Why he was here surprised no one. Why he refused to leave...that perplexed us all.

My First Night at the Americana Motel

The Americana Motel was like ten feet away. My passenger, having puked already (a couple of roads back), was well on her way to doing it again. We needed a stop. And we needed it now.

Once I Had a Little Game

I have played Conversational Chess for a number of years now. It's an exercise in tact and courtesy, altruism and diplomacy; but mostly it's a performance in keeping the monster in me miles away from the fool in you.

Advanced but Primitive

She reminds me of a mentally swift and easy-going neighborhood dog...who miraculously knows how to talk. Yet spends the entirety of the night 'humping' your leg...without ever breathing a word.

The Reason

God isn't dead, silly. She's crippled. Or grounded. Lying in a ditch some where. Or maybe she's being molested by that creepy uncle of hers...

Either way, the universe's (ultimate) Fancy Pants is busy. and has no time for you. So get over it.

Déjà vu

Déjà vu is your mind recalling the elements of a dream; the atmosphere of that experience.

The ethereal quality of the dream, the lack of specificity in the memory, and our immutable desire to be far greater than what we are...forces us to view this moment as a spiritual awakening. Shamefully so.

'Dramatic'

What profit do you gain from uttering that word? I suppose one could argue that it is just a word and therefore no harm had been committed. But here were are, yet again, and here we shall remain, yet again...questioning just what it is that inspires you to open your foolishly snippy and abhorrently simple, incontinent and caddish mouth.

The Day I Met Ophelia

I had scarcely begun remembering her name when she started in telling her story.

Salute

Good luck to the man who knows how to play to your weaknesses. I mean you do, right? Over and over again, obsessively so and without remorse.

Fear V. Wisdom

Fear sees fire. Wisdom sees smoke.

Reductions

(Pronoun) (auxiliary verb) (verb) (definite article) (noun) (preposition) (noun); (verb) (adjective) (noun) (noun). (Conjunction), (pronoun), (adjective) (noun) (preposition) (definite article) (noun), (pronoun) (auxiliary verb) (verb) (preposition) (definite article) (noun) (preposition) (adjective) (noun).

Loyalities

 I had no intention of abandoning my post. None at all. My post, however, had other things are her mind. And loyalty was not one of them.

Loyality

I learned everything one needs to know about loyalty, luck, and love...from a back issue of Mad Magazine.

Lemon Wedges

She uses her judgment like a weeping whore uses her tears,
Who does so to gain little more than a momentary upper hand in a situation she never should have participated in to begin with.

Copyright Infringement

Hardly Aware of What She Does

She sits in her room rubbing perfume & self-help books all over herself. Sinking into the abyss of her decay.

...

March 23. There is little left to learn in completing another (capable) man's chores.

Tragedy     Comedy
    18              14

Absinthe

Her Honesty finally collapsed...to the kitchen floor...into the maelstrom of all it shared.

Contingency Plans

So much for plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, and J.

Decisiveness

Many of us become remarkably decisive at the most inopportune moment.

Scoundrels

I was approached by a succession of scoundrels today. One by one. One after the other; each shaking my hand, praising me for the immoral feat I had just accomplished.

Until, finally, the last scoundrel approached, promptly smiled, tilted his head and in a low guttural voice...perniciously muttered:

'Join us, James; join us.'

And I did.

Thieves

Thieves are wise. Lazy, but wise.

...

March 20. It is found at times...that a torn tendon, internal bleeding, and a rather unflattering disposition will inspire even the most well intentioned physician to mutter the word 'Cancer.'

Tragedy     Comedy
    17              14 

Oregano

Oregano is the putrid whore of the spice world. And what's worse...she's quite content with that distinction.

An Infant Rebellion

The revolt began with a whisper...in a crowded room...on a morning meant more for lullabies than a boy's coming of age.

The revolt began with a whisper...in a crowded room...on a morning meant more for celebration than political plot.

Chubby Souls

She grabbed and squished the thigh of my soul. Its fat oozed through her tiny fingers.

Things

Creativity is the belief in the practicality of things.

...

March 17. The burden of Sisyphus hangs to my ear. Push to one end of the spectrum only to fall to the other. Rejection/Praise/Praise/Rejection. The gallantry of mediocrity has never seemed so necessary.

Tragedy     Comedy
    17              13

Roaming...

A number of thoughts are roaming through my head. Some felicitous, others bright. But none with enough stamina to make it through the night.

21st Century

21st century socialization is a cold and uncomfortable room with far too many revolving doors and twice as many odoriferous guests.

Publishing

Burdened by having to make the necessary gestures, to thrust my way past the overcrowding of doubts.

...

March 16. There is little in this universe more uplifting than a participatory activity without meaning. The lyric of the day will be forgotten. Hopefully.

Tragedy     Comedy
    16              13

Employees...

Her Patience is terribly understaffed.

Ethnically Diversifying the Social Milieu

Needed: 1 oppressed South African, 2 eccentric Norwegians, 6 Brazilian models, a smathering of Russian bourgeoisie, and, umm, 1 or 2 real-estate savvy South Koreans. No! 3 real-estate savvy South Koreans!!! 3! That should make for a good enough start.

Sinking...

He sunk into the depth of her decay....

Canons...

Diplomacy and Empathy are the hallmarks of the Intellectual.

My Dear Ophelia...

My Dear Ophelia:

It is in our most quiet and reflective moments, where we are guided by constitutional reserve and intelligent virtues, where our stubborn countenance is born again, stoic and fixed, that the stalwart marrow of my heart still gnashes and gnaws its caged limbs, its voice though muted, smothered and subdued, still calls out your name, your unparallelled frame, indelible embrace—its want to propagate our spirited story. 

So, today and in the days to come, uncouth and silently prowling our great moon-lit  stage, let us live, Ophelia, not like a weary stifled witness, but like mad starving children, wildly roaming the city streets—purging the calls of our histories, giving our lives form!

Humbly yours,
W.C.

Spring

The peculiar onslaught of continuous joy--an injurious loss of productivity.

...

March 15: The cluster cycle has subsided. A laborious lesson in patience. The benefits of western medicine.

Tragedy     Comedy
    15              13

Consumption...

She is purging the calls of history; giving new life form. And I, four rooms down the hall, I am gorging on the feast of old friends.

Pa-pa-power...

Leave the dead and the gods to the dead on the gods.

The Breakfast of Champions

Assholishry is an impatient sport.

Assholishry is a quality play for the asinine sort...

Assholishry is a dying art.

Analysis...

Womb free since 1977.

Glorious...

The popularity of alcohol shouldn't surprise a soul. Not a one.

Caring is Creepy

Though contagious, 'Jungle Fever' is curable.

Roles

So long as human beings identify themselves with what exists between their legs...half the population will have no reason to relate to the other...

Angels Dance & Angels Die

Shamefully: Of all the angels? Beelzebub is the most creative.

Period...

This is a sentence about the upside of death. It's not the greatest sentence; but it's still a sentence. And now...now...this is a sentence about bowling. This sentence is slightly better than the first one, but by no means categorically great either.

Biomechanics....

I am often perplexed by how shameful the human body looks when it slips on ice and flails its arms about...

Groping the air hoping to catch some invisible friend.

Women...

Watching an inherently strong woman's vulnerability peak out from behind the shadows...is, by far, the most attractive and ingenious display of character...anyone of you will ever muster.

...

March 11. The premature/unnecessary testing of cancer again. Optimistic.

Tragedy     Comedy
    15              12

Cupid's Itch

Jealousy is the herpes of the 'feeling' organ. Anger? The gonorrhea of the intellect.

It's a Wonder...

Arrogance strolled around the courtyard rather cheerily this morning.

...

March 10. The Love Ghosts are on the move again, Gentlemen. We received the telegram, late this afternoon...from the eldest of the two.

Tragedy     Comedy
    14              12

Just Play...

Were she able to sell the deeds of her youth (a penny a piece perhaps) to gain the good fortune of smiling again...

I imagine she would.

Arrogance...

Arrogance spits when it speaks.

A Summer's Ghost...

It is a rarity finding someone in this universe who can slap you with a stop sign like she can...

What is more, and even more uncommon...is finding someone who wish she could.

Pride...

Pride's greatest foe is Experience. Naw, it's true...pride told me--in that rare moment of honesty (we all go through).

So, let's tickle Experience, shall we? Coo che coo, Experience; coo che coo.

Appreciation V. Achievement

All human errors are dependent upon the want to achieve. That is to say, dissatisfaction...with what one has already gained.

Loquacious Honesty...

Her Honesty appeared dizzy and woozy; sickly and pale too. It swayed to the left and then to the right. But I'm proud to say, it hung to the task of catching itself. And it did. Until it puked.

Tight Ropes

She put her best foot forward. And so lost her balance. And fell.

Shiny and Red...

Careful, man: She bites after she cries.

Work in Progress

Oh, to have been a rebellious angel watching the desperate, poor, and confused lick the heels of hope the legislators of the Celestial City carelessly designed and comically set out...

Reincarnation...

Should it ever be discovered that reincarnation exists, the merit of time travel will become absolute.

The Night...

She tied on her disguise like a child would a bow. And sought out to drink as much as she could throw...

After a night of drinking and the hiking of her dress. She was found warming the floor with her cheek and her breath...

Work...

A rejection will mythologize what might have been gained.

Surprise...

She ties on disgust like a child would a bow.

Photography...

Photography (like music) is quick and proficient. Photography immediately strikes the senses. Literature, however, saunters and limps; she tardily takes her time en route to delight.

Ideas...

The joy of coaxing an infant idea to climb out of the abyss, to tug on your ear and whisper her story? Immeasurable.

To Life's Most Ambitious Door Knockers...

The detriment of having skeletons in our closets isn't that the exist. It's that they're craftily skilled at making sure we ne'er forget that they do.

Knowledge...

Knowledge is a peculiar force. On the one hand it forever changes; on the other? It'll cause even the most plastic of men to become stubborn (abhorrent) mules.

Doubt V. Certainty.

Of whatever the sort: the value of certainty, the merit of doubt...they are both misguiding.

Uneducated...

I had grasped the lesson my servant taught me, carried it with me long after she left...

But unequipped to know where to take it, I eventually misplaced it, and so sought another moment to remember.

Pleasure...

The pleasure of the moment perched herself on my shoulder, stretched her neck and chirped a song.

Surprisingly

I had seen her cowardice scatter--then scurry to the corner--long before I walked in the room.

Failures...

A failure ought to be seen as an isolated social misstep, rather than a pervasive character flaw.

Remnants...

She is a petulant, impatient child with a heart of gold and a mind just floating in the breeze.

Over Confidence...

My 'Over Confidence' got a little handsy with me tonight. And so being a gentlemen (of a certain degree) I happily returned the favor.

By night's end, with my hand under her shirt, just over her bra, she...

Connections...

Sometimes an entire marketing department is required to keep an amorous connection alive.

War...

The possibility...that men enjoy war as a distraction to their attempts at understanding women...is a great one.

Ambition's Flaw...

It is falsely believed that the more one craves something
the more likely one will acquire that something.

Existence...

Existence is the power to instill as many new ideas to as many new people in as many new moments as you possibly can.

Paragraphs...

I let the paragraph out. And immediately sough to get it back.

Elegance...

Some are born into elegance. Others, like plastic dolls, just illustrate it. I am a firm believer in eugenics.

Fragility of Socialization

Few of us are prepared to realize just how fragile our friendships truly are.

Spoiled...

He is more a spoiled brat than a needy one.

...

February 20. The Cluster Parade has now begun. Listen to their engines hum.


Tragedy     Comedy
    14              11

1997

The Sixties fell on deaf ears and blind eyes. Even to the actors who gave us the colour...tie-dyed...submarine scene. Ken Kesey and his O.K. Corral, peace arcades and drugged-out slumber parties.

The Story...

I had left my story on the desk and walked out of the room to tend to some affairs. When I came back that night, exhausted from my chores, I noticed my story had, strangely enough, sprouted some limbs and a pocket full of plum.

You'll be surprised to know that this did not perplex me. Not in the least. Watching her scamper 'cross the room, though. Crawl out the window and wave goodbye? Now that did.

Windows and Histories

For no discernible reason whatsoever, I will, every so often, grab and toss a large enough object with sufficient enough weight and crack a window in my head simply to watch the history of everything I've done here seep in.

When I do this...the moment is by no means amusing. Utterly frightening really. And so I am quickly off...to the other room, on the phone, dialing up the repair company.

The Excitement of the Herd

To some we are impenetrable. Others...malleable at the slightest touch. We all are. Everyone of us. Because this is the nature of socialization.

Alcohol

Alcohol will at first hoodwink then sucker punch your soul.

Ode to Wordsworth

And there they lay. The remnants of our youth. Their necks splintered by the traps set out by Experience.

Running...

We had been up all night. Running. Mauling things over. When the sun woke, rubbed her eyes, and clipped our heels.

Creativity...

Her creativity is taking a shower. And I'm drilling a peep hole and breaking out the Vaseline.

The Rolling Stone in Paris

She's a creative man's dream.
But an intelligent man's nightmare.

Arm-Chair Politics

Contemplation with inactivity will gut you like a fish.

Whipped and Hog-tied...

I've been whipped and hog-tied by a number of insults over the years. Weathered and beaten by them too. But none more damaging than: 'I don't think you'll be a good father.'

(You 'accidentally' poke the neighbor kid with a lit cigarette half a dozen or so times on like three different occasions, mostly for fun...and all the sudden you'd make a bad father?)

The insanity of that one (and the certainty in which it was delivered) still frightens every atom of my being.

The Poor Decision Demon

The Demon dwells in the forest. In a long-abandoned cabin dating back to old charcoal-burning times. It is lonely here. And so is she.

Murmurs of the wind echo through the trees. A fox limps across the rotting porch. My visit here is unnecessary and the cold is bitter.

Skeletons...

Befuddle your skeletons before shoving them in the closet.

All But Her...

Petulance set in and suffocated all but one of the evening's guests.

Strangely Enough...

Losing your cool will fictionalize the elements that spark your anger.

Manhood

Manhood is being responsible for burdens you wish didn't exist and sadden by the lack of responsibilities you wish you had.

Over-Zealous...

Over-Zealous Altruism is often flirty and charming, buxom and sleek. But she's nearly always accompanied by eventual Anger.

Mistakes

The secret knock was given. And looking through the peephole we saw Empathy...on time, smiling and finely dressed. The guard to my left looked at me and nodded his approval.

Much to our chagrin, many of our mistakes begin this very same way.

Moments...

The enormity of the moment frightened the next moment so badly that the follow-up moment to those first two moments stood and puked.

Sometimes...

Romance is a love affair with your imagination...

...

February 13. Aura Migraine. The loss of a good friend. Sense of freedom. The shame of hearing a mother cry.


Tragedy     Comedy
    13              11

Just 'cause...

Let's play a game of peekaboo with our funny bones.

The Social Race...

I am often in the habit of rarely keeping up with those I get to know. Until a inevitable moment occurs and the sound of a bullhorn (or some such nonsense) echoes the possibility the race is soon to end.

The fear of this stings me, immeasurably so; and so I lengthen my stride, quicken my pace, and soon enough...

Soon enough, I'm at the finish line, out of breath...

And waiting.

Remember This...

Anger is the most primitive form of emotional manipulation...

A e i o u and Sometimes y.

The girls' faces are slowly sinking away...

Many shades exist in the departed.

Altruism...

Sometimes Altruism imposes too great a responsibility on us. And so we rebel against it...like a spoiled child when asked to complete a mundane chore.

Cannot Remember Why...

There is both an enormous risk and an indelible benefit to losing one's memories.

Confusion...

Confusion belittles me. So does small talk. Small talk is filled with courteous assumptions. Confusion? Not enough of them.

I Need a Brand New Friend...the End.

The challenge is finding a friend who gives you the control to be exactly who you are--whatever the moment, whatever the outcome. One who hands you freedom to feel or not feel.

In the end, this is what it means to love him.

*stupid stupid stupid*

Psychoanalysis is not an appropriate substitute for introductory small talk.

...

February 8. Phantom Clusters increasing in frequency. Slightly befuddled. Hesitantly optimistic. Gertrude's birthday tomorrow.

All n' all...

All he ever wanted was a hard day's work, the ability to make a woman blush, and the temperament to make her laugh 'til she lost all urinary control.

Liberty...

Liberty begins with no less than three glasses of wine.

Hatred...

I abhor fear--especially in others.

Mountains...

A relationship is not about climbing a mountain.
No, no, no. It's about building one.
And then throwing each other off it half way from the top.

Freedom

The critic is a necessary component to the exercise we call art...

Chaos...

The grit of a negative experience is our immutable want to change it.

If...

If you cannot be talented, be creative. If you cannot be creative, be accepting. If you cannot be talented, creative or accepting? Settle for being good looking.

Death by Pony...

I knew a woman once who was really into unicorns. For her birthday one year, I bought her a pony and in an attempt to make it look all real and such, I creatively glued a horn to its forehead.

It was swell. She loved it. Really did. And I would have too, had she not spooked the fuckin' thing and got her head kicked in.

That was definitely the silliest of funerals.

...

February 2. Pneumonia. Medicated. At rest.

'tis the Season

Cupid seems far more interested in firing his arrows than he is in properly aiming them.

Sometimes...

I sometimes drink to believe in others...other times to forget that I can't.

Gently...

Strife excites me. Success as well. But strife...more so.

Aye...

Truth does not lend itself to happiness.

Instead, it lends itself to understanding, which leads to happiness.

The Switch-a-Roo...

Intelligence is not perceiving your partner's contradictions, it's being in the habit of completely ignoring them.

...

January 27. Disappointment. So much depends on the audience.

Tragedy     Comedy
    12              11

...

January 15. Unprecedented.

Tragedy     Comedy
    11              11

Truth...

He runs after truth like a toddler learning to walk, who furthermore, does so blind folded and on a tight rope.

...

January 13. Optimistic. The knowledge of work--again. Seduction of exhaustion. The entertainment of sleep.

Tragedy     Comedy
    11              11

Gigs...

Dealing in certainties is a young man's gig.

And, oh, how I long to be young again.

Two + A Bird...

Unaware of the ghastly scene set before her (the merits of which still muting us both) the song bird stood, she blinked, and she began to chirp.

Building Rome in Clinton...

& that's where she stood. Boisterous & new, on top the roof top, yelling. Screaming really...

'I want you.'

'I want you, James'

I had heard her--a couple of buildings over and a few floors down--I did.

& when I told her not to jump, to wait, to wait until I got there, I meant it. I certainly did.

Oh, but fella...it's in moments like these that they all become deaf.

Detriments...

Anyone who strives for something with particular intensity, is often suspect of exclusively striving for that something and nothing more.

Scrapped Notes...

Dearest Ophelia:

I do solemnly regret to inform you that I have had the most recent pleasure of sleeping with your sister.

Notwithstanding, I must also admit that the two of you are unlike in every conceivable way. You? You being unique in your cowardice to applaud adjustment. She? She being acutely aware of intuitively knowing just what to do.

W/ great care and the hope that you'll one day admire your sister again.

Humbly yours,
WC

Types...

The presumptuous types rarely afford you the pleasure of feeling present.

Imagination...

And so it had finally passed: my imagination, having heard enough of my rationalizations, turned to me, gnashed its teeth, and shuffled off to bed.

...

January 10: nostalgia for my youth.

Tragedy     Comedy
    11              10

Progress...

Mutism ought to be encouraged. It should. But only before one is asked to speak, not after.

Rewards...

Her proximity to me (not an inch or two) may have remained the most unfortunate element of the moment...had the book I had been holding not been of perfect size and weight...to wipe the sardonic smile from her face.

Control...

There is no virtue in always being cool. There's no virtue in pretending to be either.

Dancing...

On par with a sure sign of intelligence (a great indicator of it and the surest way to gain his intelligence) is not what you say about your life, it's what you choose to omit.

Prisms

Oh, the freedom she is afforded when feeling seduced, is of little importance to the cells she creates when conquered.

Today...

A cage went in search of a bird and found it's prey.

Be it Political or Religious

An advanced sign of maturity is the ability to use humour, rather than anger, in response to hypocrisy.

Lessons Learned...

The nature of a gift is its illustration of how well you have come to know someone; it is an extension of why one has come to know you.

So be assured, Gentlemen, well intentioned though you might be, the wrong gift will THUMP every one of the reasons why she wanted YOU to gift HER in the first place.

Values...

Learning to appreciate what stands in front of you..rather than what could...ought to be essential.

Unless you're about to get punched. If you're about to get punch...then...

More Productive

She found his cock more convincing than his character.

Princesses, & Swarovskis, & Pillow Sniffers...

Naive and youthful, proud and presumptions...oh, the unattainable is forever attractive.

Laws of Attraction--Redux

A new Attraction begins with an 'atta boy,' a well intentioned pat on the romp, a playful pop to the shoulder. But then Attraction catches a cold or something. It becomes gravely ill. Barfs. And retreats. Breaks a fever and faints. Smashes its head on the table. And then pisses itself.

It's quite the show really--it really is; and most of us wouldn't change it for anything.

Laws of Attraction....

Attraction depreciates in value the moment it begins.

Communication...

Let it be known now and in the days to come: that in the spirited candour of our loose speech, where the sounds of our thoughts thump and drop their way from out our lips, where we remain hungry in the maddening of our chamber's echo, gnawing on the careless evening's only plot.

There is kindled in me, and in the man I have become, an eventual regret for what we just did.

Sorry 'bout that.

And so it is...

Muzzles and earplugs are the hallmarks of enduring relationships.

Wisdom...

Though we should applaud her ambition, never praise a guest who gulps her wine.

Not a Mad Dash...

Inebriation ought to be an evening-long journey.

Getting Across Town...

I dare say, shooting the messenger is far easier than convincing the messenger to shoot the sender.

L.F.H.

The strongest and most independent woman I have ever met...not once uttered the word 'feminism.'