Thinking

 The ability to think straight is often thwarted by the necessity of having to socialize with dimwits.

The Weakling

He has a weak leg--immeasurably so. And so he hunches over each time he walks. Not because of any pain, but out fear that were his leg to give way he's that much closer to the ground.

MMX Revisted

What is felt now, looking back, thinking back...is the unfortunate belief that I have become inexplicably capable of being inauspiciously enthralled by the most obstinate, asinine, and silliest of women.

Moment

The compliment immediately caused me to self reflect rather confidently project any reasonable reason for my standing there.

Redux

The chilly wind grabbed my lapel and blew it tight against my coat; my scarf, luckless and having had enough of my shoulders...took flight, off and went.

Some hero I'd make.

The Draining Types

Her need to illustrate her importance is so invariably large...that were you to ask her something as mundane as, hmm, let's say, 'how old were you when you first learned to tie your shoes?'

She'd stare right at you at and answer with some such nonsense about getting her dexterous and gifted start (in all shoe related matters) while simultaneously undergoing the rigorous ordeal of fetus development.

...

April 28. 'I find you very interesting, James. Very. I am extremely intrigued by you. This might not be the best thing, though. Tell me more about yourself.' (Potential employer/interview #23).

Sensitivities

She took everything too personally...to such a bewildering degree. I mean a farmer's wife, sickened by the flu, could sneeze, a mile or two away; a farm or two to the north. And she'd still assume it was her new perfume (or some such nonsense) wafting over the fields reeking havoc on her neighbor's senses.

The Universe

 Scalloped potatoes are the universe's way of saying, "You know what guys, you're right, life does suck sometimes, but you know what? Try these. Mmmm right? RIGHT? Yeah, that's right! Gobble them up, my little minions, gobble them up."

*Yep, that's what the universe sounds like. Exactly what she sounds like.*

Writing's Seduction

A simple wish really...to give this sentence the charm to convince the next sentence to get a little handsy with it.

'Nope, not a chance, I say...' is all it fears it'll will hear, though. 'Nope, not a chance.'

MMX Redux

The brunette instilled confusion, the older of the two...wisdom. The blond? Soul. It was a year of superfluous gifts--not one of which was a calm and rational friend.

What...

The saddest sound of all is pity.

Rewards

(X): 'Who the hell died and made you king?! Huh?'

(Y): 'Ummm, my grandmother?!? I used to change her diapers. That and the day before she died, I found her nude and on her bed (having lost all virtue of prudence, privacy, and discretion) spread eagled, and cleaning her whoo whoo!'

(Z): 'Yep, that sounds about right. All hail the new King! All. Hail. The. New. King!'

Hero

The chilly wind blew the lapel tight against my coat; my scarf, luckless and having had enough of my shoulders, took flight...off and went.

Some hero I'd make.

Ideas

One is easily dismantled. If, for example, a man wraps himself in an idea that at first squeals in delight, welcomes and dances...then retreats and recoils...

...accepts and rejects, approves and renounces, spits at and applauds...

...only to recoil again.

Redux

Fear will convince you to scream 'FIRE!' Wisdom will nudge you to call out 'SMOKE!'

Mother's Day

Now that all is said and done: There was 1 massive heart attack, an open heart surgery, and a near-fatal sternum infection. There was Propofol and Fentanyl and 6 days on a ventilator. There were 3 different hospitals, 2 ICUs, 6 calls to 911, 7 ambulance rides, a stint in rehab, and 3 near-death experiences.

There were 64 dutiful-son hospital visits, 2 cardiologists, 3 heart surgeons, 5 doctors, 36 nurses, 5 social workers, and 9 kind orderlies. There were 5 forty-hour days.

There was a cancer scare and a cluster cycle, and 2 rounds of steroids. There were X-rays and blood tests, wills and pills. There was English and French, 2 different cities, 3 different homes, and 6 different beds.

In the last year, 'I've seen so much, in so many places, so much heart ache, in so many faces...so many dirty things...you couldn't even believe...' but I am proud to say that my mother is out of the infirmary, alive and now well, and I have finally become...I have finally become a man.

Lady Luck

Should it be discovered that reincarnation exists, I am certain it will be found that Mussolini was a terribly good friend, that I was responsible for the extermination of a thousand gifted children, perhaps the slaughtering of an entire infant population, or maybe I was a vegetarian.

Opposition

What is especially true for the success of any social group's longevity is the need to find an opposition.

MMX Redux

Had I the chance, you two, I gladly would have saved your fathers. And you? You, I gladly would have saved your mother. But you, well, let's just say...I wish I could have muted both your parents.

MMX

The brunette instilled confusion, the older of the two...wisdom. The blond? Soul. It was a year of superfluous gifts.

...

March 28. Two weeks, one business, two positions, three meetings, five managers, two telephone calls, one peculiar coincidence, applauds and accolades.

And yet.

A e i o u...

A man's detriment is a woman's imagination.

Shadows

It is often rarely considered... just how 'clingy' our shadows truly are.

Conservative V. Liberal

The Conservative tells us what we cannot do. The Liberal tells us what we can.

Dung

(X): 'You know, I would like nothing more than to introduce that man's face to a steamy pile of manure...'

(Y): 'You're so poignant.'

(Z): 'Cow, dog, or elephant? Wait, I'll surprise you. Hold on.'

Perspectives

 I watched the moment strike me from the point it was tossed. As if from behind a child when seeking the attention of his father will throw an object at his head.

Redux

It is befuddling to learn just how vocal, inspired, and propelled our emotions can when they first set out to prove they exist.

Redux

The revolt began with a whisper in a crowded room
on a morning meant more for 'choo-che-choos' and 'la de dahs' than a boy's coming of age.

Time V. Experience

Time will bend your heart. Experience will bend your mind.

The Big 'C.'

The number one cause of cancer is procreation.

Turtles

(X): 'So (rubs his hands) what do you guys wanna do?'

(Y): 'I don't know. Maybe throw some turtles at the elderly and disabled?!?!'

(Z): 'Score! Let me get Whiskers!'

...

April 19. Productive. Reclusive and unsocial.

Wounded Dancers

(X): 'A good-hearted, employed, and sober fella, huh? Ha!'

(Y): 'He sounds just like her father.'

(Z): 'Ba dump bump.'

WARNING

Warning: this sentence contains subtle wit and ferocious hilarity. Oh, and a non sequitur; because red wagons are fun.

Sigh

The man is impenetrable to any thought other than his own.

Pedestrian

 I find any variation of the criticism 'that's pedestrian' to be rather pedestrian.

Emotions

It is befuddling to learn just how vocal emotions can be when they first set out to prove they exist.

Of Them All...

Of all the great caring men in this world...I seem to be the least among them.

The Ballet

There is little wisdom to be found (and equally little to be gained) in watching a grown man weep.

There is little wisdom to be found (and equally little to be gained) stumbling upon a grown man weeping.

Literature V. Mathematics

Though mathematics relies on numbers, it is still governed by words.

Under The Bridge

The troll is an often misunderstood character...who is perhaps more disappointed in his lack of height than we are in our lack of confidence when confronted by him.

Human Judgement

All Human Judgement ought to be muted then placed in our dreams...in those wildly pitched moments where we find ourselves engage in self dialogue--when chased (let's say) by a platoon of dust bunnies rising readily on the colour blue...set in regions yet to be discovered, on nights governed by refrigerators.

If for no other reason then to imprint the absurdity of the criticism more fully into our conscious mind.

...

April 13.

1163 days
27,912 hours
1,674,720 minutes
100,483,200 seconds
166 weeks (rounded down)

Re-do Redux

Our progression as a species, our evolution, has provided (many of) us with a multitude of superfluous gifts.

Political rhetoric, vanity, gossip, idealism...

Redux

Our progression as a species, our evolution, has provided (many of) us with a multitude of superfluous gifts.

The most popular, it seems, is our ability to socially humiliate our fellow man.

Evolution

The greatest benefit to evolution is social condemnation.

Redux

Shamefully, focusing on a common enemy, rather than a purpose, is the most fashionable way to unify one's...goddamn fuckin' vegetarians...

Fighters

Shamefully, finding a common enemy, rather than a purpose, is the most efficient way to unify any social group...

Ambition

The most challenging place for an ambitious man to stand is in limbo.

The most challenging place for an ambitious man is limbo.

Masks and Capes

That the merits of the day have made a life of crime this appealing...

Naturally

Her Arrogance, naturally frustrated by its usual business of exile, strolled around the courtyard rather cheerily this mornin'.

I was undoubtedly blessed.

...

April 11. How does one not only effectively engage in, but seek out as well, everyday small talk?

Memories

It was a beautiful memory...enough to take a nap to.

Two Types

There are (at least) two types in this world...two grandiose types who continually annihilate any chance we have at understanding our purpose as a species.

The first is the religious fanatic; the second is the vegetarian.

Redux

That men enjoy war as a distraction to our attempts at understanding women...is far too great a probable fact.

Nom nom nom...

Huh. So this is what a baby dolphin tastes like. Hmm.

Value

Less is more. More or less.

Energy

I registered a terrifying behavior recently and further sustained it with great volume.

The Sa

There are many noble creatures in this world. To clarify, if by 'noble' one understands it to mean 'unnecessary.'

A Conversation

"Petulance, Petulance, what do you strive for?"

Petulance says "nothing at all."

My Penniless Case

I had felt something squirm in the corner of my wallet. When I went to investigate, a small creature, no bigger than a locket, jiggled and wiggled from out behind the pocket; it then huffed and puffed, and earnestly screamed 'Indigence! Indigence! You're living the dream!'

Then with a wave of its hand and the rolling of its eyes, it motioned it was done and jumped back from where it had come.

Functionality

I am opposed to any activity that does not carry (as its central mandate) the ambition to be functional.

...

April 1. We are an insidious, self-serving, revolting, and loathsome species.